A Grief Observed

C.S. Lewis writes in the first chapter about the awkwardness of running into friends and acquaintances after his wife died. He found that they were embarrassed to see him, either because they not did not know what to say to him or he reminded them of death. Have you ever had a similar experience, either as the bereaved or someone who didn’t know what to say to the bereaved? Did reading this change your understanding of grief and how to react to the bereaved? Explain.

C.S. Lewis published A Grief Observed under a pseudonym (the book was attributed to him after his death) Why do you think he did this? Do you think his reputation as a prominent Christian writer was a factor in this decision? Do you think other factors were involved?

Both the Foreword and Introduction provide details of the relationship between H. and Lewis that are not revealed in the four chapters of A Grief Observed. How does knowing the story of Helen and C.S. Lewis affect the reader’s understanding of the book? Would reading the book without that knowledge change the experience?

In the Foreword, Madeleine L’Engle recounts that the first time she read A Grief Observed, as a young wife and mother. She was sympathetic to Lewis but not “deeply moved.” Years later, after the death of her husband of forty years, she had a different experience. Do you think it is necessary to have endured the death of a spouse to truly understand this book?

Research the stages of grief, as described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and others. How does Lewis’s experience, as documented in A Grief Observed, fitwith other models of grief? Explain.

Have you had a personal experience with grief? How were your experiences similar to Lewis’s? How were they different? Do you think A Grief Observed would be helpful to someone who was recently bereaved? Explain.

In the Introduction, Lewis’s stepson, Douglas Gresham, corrects a “misunderstanding” about an incident Lewis included in A Grief Observed. He states that what Lewis perceived as embarrassment when he tried to talk to the boys about their mother after her death, was, in fact, really embarrassment at the prospect that he might cry, an embarrassment instilled in him by English schools. Re-read both Gresham’s and Lewis’s description of the incident. Do you think the incident merits correcting? Does it change your understanding of Lewis? Why do you think Gresham included it in the Introduction so many years later?

Watch the movie Shadowlands,which is about C.S. Lewis and Helen. Does the story depicted there enhance your understanding of their relationship? Do the people portrayed in the film seem consistent with the Lewis and H. of the book?

Do you think knowledge of Christianity is necessary to understanding A Grief Observed? Do you think belief in God or a higher power is necessary to understand the book? Why or why not? Explain.